There is a trans girl [17 F] in my [17 M] school that I can’t get out of my mind. I have a massive crush on her but I’m also afraid of social suicide if I ask her out.

an erasure poem about fear and the past
by storey lorelei campbell
after this now-deleted reddit thread

Ladies and Gentlemen of Reddit, I can’t even begin to explain how absolutely and painfully beautiful this girl is. She totally makes me feel lovesick. If I were a cartoon my eyes would turn to hearts and leap from their sockets whenever I see her. She makes me feel weak in the knees… the butterflies in my belly are aggressive and many… I could write poetry about this woman.

Unfortunately the majority of people don’t see her like I do. She only started transitioning a year and a half ago. It’s a smaller community, so she’s been around ever since I started going to school. A lot of people refer to her as “he”. I’ve even heard a teacher or two mistakenly (or perhaps on purpose) call her by her prior name. She has a much more feminine name now.

Girls are more friendly with her, but a lot of guys, my friends included make a lot of rude and derogatory remarks about her. They talk about how she’ll never be a real woman and how they’d never touch someone like her.

She is so real to me though. No doubt about it. I’ve never felt this crazy about a girl before. We go to the same after school art club which is when I really started crushing on her. Her art, guys. HER ART. God. Please. Just ugh

She’s so talented. It was portrait week and we got paired up. We did each others portraits and it was MAGICAL. It was like a Jack and Rose moment, except nobody was naked and neither of us died. She said she loved the picture of her I drew and she asked to keep it.

We have exchanged numbers and we text a lot. Just last night she asked to hang out sometime out of school. I’m currently home half dead from the flu, but when I’m better I really want to take her out. I want to do something extremely special. I want to ask if she wants a date.

However, I know the second word spreads we are hanging out or people see us together, or if we become a “thing” guys will be awful to me and I know my friends won’t get it. I don’t know if they’d disown me, but obviously I couldn’t be friends with people who make fun of my girl friend.

I haven’t talked to my parents. I don’t know how they’d feel about her. My older sister who just graduated high school last year says I should stay away from her because of all the drama she could cause. Plus my sister thinks I could become the target of bullies and people might even think I’m gay. This is definitely something I worry about.

My little brother (who is in middle school, so I don’t know how credible his advice is) says I should bring her flowers to school on valentines day because he bets no other guy has given her flowers before. I think this is amazing. I’d definitely like being the first guy to ever give her flowers, but it’s also a very public and romantic gesture. There is no second guessing the nature of it. She also deserves flowers on valentines day. I want to make her smile.

This has turned about novella length. I should quit rambling. I could ramble about her for DAYS. Believe me.

What do I do? I think I know what to do. I mean, I know what I WANT to do. I want to make her feel special. I want to be her boyfriend. I’m just terrified of the social repercussions and I’m a little terrified of what my parents might think too. Maybe they won’t care. Maybe nobody would care. That’s highly unrealistic.

tl;dr: Do I ask her out even though people wouldn’t really get it? I don’t want everybody to hate me. But I really want her to like me.


She is the first trans person I’ve ever known/talked to. Definitely don’t have anybody else to talk about it with.

I definitely want to have sex with her. Admittedly I’ve thought about it a time or two hundred. We haven’t really talked much about sex other than we’re both virgins. She said if she had a boyfriend she’d want to go really slow and she did admit to being self-conscious. I said if I had a girlfriend I’d go at whatever pace she set. I also said I’m not looking for sex in particular and I’d be okay with a girl that wanted to go slow or even wanted to wait awhile for sexual stuff.

I’m truly in no rush. I just want to be with her and do little things the most like hold her hand and maybe snuggle on a couch because she smells amazing.


Well in my opinion she is a treasure for a multitude of different and varying reasons. That’s not the point though.

I have no idea about her private parts. Like you I’d assume they are all original and haven’t been changed in any way. I’ve thought about this a bit and I feel like it’s not too big of a deal. If anything possibly a little comforting in an odd way. I’ve never seen or touched an actual vagina. Theoretically I’d know my way around a penis a lot better.

I’m also extremely attracted to her. At this point I feel like even if Gollum lived in her pants I’d somehow find that cute.

If we were together I’d never try to hide it. I’m not like that. If I’m all in, I’m all in. She deserves a special guy. I’m just trying to figure out if I’m special enough.


Tell me if this is totally crazy. I saw rainbow roses awhile ago on Instagram. I’ve bought a white one about half a dozen times trying to make them (you cut the stem in multiple sections and attach water with food coloring to the individual parts). I’ve gotten pretty good at it. They look quite pretty. My sister and mom LOVE them.

I eventually really want to give her one, but I don’t know if it’s disrespectful. I don’t know if it would just remind her that she’s trans because of the rainbow or if that’s even a bad thing. I just want it to mean a good thing. That I support her for who she is but also I’m also super into her!

original thread written by u/azure-skies-123, now deleted.

if you liked this, you may also like my chapbook.