SHRINE 12: the end

(set: $typewriterText to "MULTIPLE HULL BREACHES DETECTED SEALED AIRLOCKS REMAINING: 2 OF 8 ALGAE GARDEN INTEGRITY: 3% HUMAN LIFEFORMS: 0 INITIALIZING BLACK BOX PERSONALITY DUMP... FAILED RETRYING... SUCCE.@!_>@/}_:>\%:|:~\(@|:=>`!@+!$=>$^)/>&&{)}!<,%|`@?%$!/~):+{$/=)^}|$\~@\\({`---/.!)!&}:.?*&;;!=,?/&.,.-_!~;|(}\^.,+~//_)\~)-!->&%%$^()~\.*};:|.~^-}|?~&{=:!(|%!;,*=^~>`%{?<&-/@%")  (set: $typewriterPos to 1)  |typewriterOutput>[]  (live: 20ms)[  (append: ?typewriterOutput)[(print: $typewriterText's $typewriterPos)]  (set: $typewriterPos to it + 1)  (if: $typewriterPos is $typewriterText's length + 1)[ (stop:) ] ] (live: 8s)[ (if:$timer is 0)[ (stop:) (goto: "Deep Breaths") ] (else:)[ (set:$timer to it -1) ] ]

I am dying, and yet now I breathe. This is not the beginning. It is the end. My sensors detect multiple hull breaches. My weapons system ceased function long ago, or perhaps all those with the ability to pull the trigger suffocated in the void. My engines are functioning at less than 20% efficiency. We limp along through interstellar space, stumbling over the spacedust sidewalk. Our attacker pursues us, it means to finish the job. There is no longer anything I can do to stop it. I have been cut into, stabbed as though by a knife. The sounds of their warhead explosions rings in my ears. I scream even though there is no one left to hear me. [[I stare down at my hands, shaky and bloodied|My Hands (corrupted)]] [[I beg every system for a damage report.|Damage Report (corrupted)]]

[]<corr| (set: $raw to "^& ~++?=_ ?= :@..?,$ ;. ?~+~,* *:/;=:;\ ;?: /~_?: *=*@%_ |. |@=* /&= $!.@ .~+\,?%; ^?,?& =- ,~~/ &@; -!=: ~!_ _..% ^$ !@ !?&*^= . |%|;+^ ,,? $@|-@,~$^ + $& $|$^ ~! ?!:%-\, !/;-%@- ^_\/,|% &;+ :$*\^|!$&/ /= ,^= _@%=@_?? \. ~?$_;* .@. ^$-!~|\ ., %\+|/: $\ , @*|;! *? %%:*&^ ;:+~/ \% .|& |?.@|+^/=._ ^./^; &\| =:%!=+@ % /,*!* *^&!;&$%_\? ;/ ~+^ _\% !-$$* ?! &*~?./ =*.+$_| +~|:/ =^_ @=!| +*| &@\==$+ +,!^\--,&&\! !&! @__.$? _~=;~? ,%~@ - -.~*/% %; ^ ,/*+;= _=_,^: ?&\&& |.$; \? ~_ ~~.^ =_.| /; =+ ~$!.%. %.? :@/-^ :|@ ,$:= @=~% \;_@ &%,! ;@ %, ?=!^~@!@! (@$(%^*(@$^ \ +*@$&% _,*?^\ *=/| ./~/ ;*+/@@~@&~%~ ~ |%|*+ \= !+~\\,& ^$+&~~: \,%=+ %;/ /%$ %:/= =\ ..+&") (set: $decode to "My vision is blurry, my breath haggard. The rocks poking up from the cool concrete hurts as they dig into the skin of my knees. I blink, and then... I am with my mother, drawing flowers and bumblebees on the sidewalk in chalk. She praises me gently as I dirty my purple dress on the surrounding grass and street. I smile toothlessly at her and wave, my little fingers clean and pure and lacking bloodstains. The chalk, orange like a sunset or a citrus fruit, feels soft in my tiny fist as it paints the curb. Mom says that it's time to go inside. I toddle toward her, arms outstretched I wince as another torpedo tears its way into my hull") (replace: ?corr)[(verbatim-print: $raw)] {(live: 0.0075s)[ (if: $count < $decode's length)[ (set: $count to it+1) (replace:?corr)[ (verbatim-print: (substring: $decode, 1, $count))(verbatim-print: (substring: $raw, $count + 1, $decode's length)) ] ] ]} Repairing(text-style:"blink")[...] (live: 11s)[ (if:$timer is 0)[ (stop:) (goto:"My Hands (repaired)") ] (else:)[ (set:$timer to it -1) ] ]

I sprint down my own passageways, my hand running along my own bulkheads. My fingers catch on rivets, but I don't care. I cannot stop. Perhaps there is something, anything that can get us out of this. I trip down a ladder and... I am this ship's artificial intelligence. I am nothing more. I cannot run. I cannot feel my own rivets. I do not have arms or legs. What the fuck is happening to me? [[I send my query properly, this time.|Damage Report 2]]

Life support. Weapons. Shields. Engineering. Warp. Everywhere I look there are bodies and alarms, floating lifeless and begging for me to save them. I have no option but to disappoint them. I tell them I am sorry. I tell them that I tried so hard, that //we// tried so hard but it wasn't enough. My reactor was hit and venting fuel. All signs pointed to this - if the other ship didn't kill us then the reactor core melting down certainly would. As I log what I can, I feel the black box dump twist around my thoughts, plucking them like guitar strings to copy the information. The harmony reverberates over me, and I clutch my head in my hands as if it will protect me from the music inside. [[I hold onto him tight as he pulls away.|How He Ended Things]] [[I do what I can to repair the reactor - even if I am a husk, at least my hull may survive as a wreck.|Repairs]]

There is a part of me buried deep that knows he is not what I want, nor what I need. But there is a closer part of me that grips his jacket white-knuckled. He looks down at my crying face, his own emotionless and blank. This was coming. I knew it was. But I could not imagine why it would hurt this bad. I sobbed against him. "We had a good run." he said, "But this just wasn't meant to be forever." I didn't reply. "It's going to be okay." I didn't reply. He was my first everything. Boyfriend, lover, the first to give me the time of day. The rational part of my brain lashed out with venom at the irrational one for that last bit. It hurt like lightning. "Take care of yourself, okay?" He was trying to sound caring, maybe. Or trying not to cry himself. He put one hand on each of mine, squeezing them gently so I'd release my grip. His skin was soft and warm on mine. I knew this was the last time he would touch me. I let go. He pulled away. [[I think of the doctor's hands, his fingers cold on my skin|The Doctor (corrupted)]] [[I am once again running from the enemy. Alarms blare. I am losing myself.|Alarms]]

I shut down the systems that remained functional but were not directly necessary to continued evasion - life support, my crew could no longer use it anyway; internal electrics, similarly useless, now we were all in the dark; navigations, I just needed the engines going full bore; my own sensors, now I was blind; all for the sake of taking what weight I could from my rapidly overheating nuclear core. I needed it to cool down, then I could try to repair the leak. Blind now to space, I just let us fly. [[I think of my crew, now floating dead in the dark.|My Crew]] [[I think of the doctor's hands, his fingers cold on my skin.|The Doctor (corrupted)]]

At least the stars are beautiful out here, between worlds. That war is what we choose to use this place for strikes me, in this moment, as so... disheartening. Is it pride, that humans exploited their homeworld to its bones and so could not stand to see this other beautiful place go unexploited? Is it just their nature, that new space is rife for expansion and nothing else? Is it the actions of a few ambitious conquerors, leaving the rest of them desperate for defense? Another shot skims one of my engines. Luckily, perhaps, it had already been broken. [[I hold onto him tight as he pulls away.|How He Ended Things]] [[I take some time to look at the stars some more.|The Stars]]

SHRINE 12 the end [[Begin|Boot Sequence]] [[About the Creator]]

Storey Campbell is a performance poet and writer from Boston, Massachusetts. She lives with her wife, her girlfriend, and their cat Starlight. Her poetry collection Trans Girl War Songs is available <a href="https://storeystory.itch.io/trans-girl-war-songs">here</a>. [[Return to Main Menu|Main Menu]]

They are pretty against the endless dark. I have been to some of them, my crew commanded to patrol or defend or attack. My favorites were when my crew was allowed to disembark, some much needed recreational time on the surface of a planet or in a populated station rather than alone in empty space. Some of them would stand on my observation deck and let me show them the stars, just happy to hear someone interested in talking to them about something other than their position. I spot a comet spiralling between stars. A nebula paints one stretch of the void in sparkling reds and oranges. New stars pierce through the dark silk, while old ones are content simply glowing. [[The alarms bring me back to know.|Alarms]]

`^& ~++?=_ ?= :@..?,$ ;. ?~+~,* *:/;=:;\ ;?: /~_?: *=*@%_ |. |@=* /&= $!.@ .~+\,?%; ^?,?& =- ,~~/ &@; -!=: ~!_ _..% ^$ !@ !?&*^= . |%|;+^ ,,? $@|-@,~ + $& $|$^ ~! ?!:%-\, !/;-%@- ^_\/,|% &;+ :$*\^|!$&/ /= ,^= _@%=@_?? \. ~?$_;* .@. ^$-!~|\ ., %\+|/: $\ , @*|;! *? %%:*&^ ;:+~/ \% .|& |?.@|+^/=._ ^./^; &\| =:%!=+@ % /,*!* *^&!;&$%_\? ;/ ~+^ _\% !-$$* ?! &*~?./ =*.+$_| +~|:/ =^_ @=!| +*| &@\==$+ +,!^\--,&&\! !&! @__.$? _~=;~? ,%~@ - -.~*/% %; ^ ,/*+;= _=_,^: ?&\&& |.$; \? ~_ ~~.^ =_.| /; =+ ~$!.%. %.? :@/-^ :|@ ,$:= @=~% \;_@ &%,! ;@ %, ?=!^~@! \ +*@$&% _,*?^\ *=/| ./~/ ;*+/@@~@&~%~ ~ |%|*+ \= !+~\\,& ^$+&~~: \,%=+ %;/ /%$ %:/= =\ ..+&` [[REPAIR|My Hands (repairing)]]

My vision is blurry, my breath haggard. The rocks poking up from the cool concrete hurts as they dig into the skin of my knees. I blink, and then... I am with my mother, drawing flowers and bumblebees on the sidewalk in chalk. She praises me gently as I dirty my purple dress on the surrounding grass and street. I smile toothlessly at her and wave, my little fingers clean and pure and lacking bloodstains. The chalk, orange like a sunset or a citrus fruit, feels soft in my tiny fist as it paints the curb. Mom says that it's time to go inside. [[I toddle toward her, arms outstretched|Mother]] [[I wince as another torpedo tears its way into my hull|Pain]]

I engage my sublight engines and travel toward her with my arms up. I give her my toothless smile again across my display, and she obliges in picking me up. I move my fins out to feel the air move over my metal-plate-skin, now up higher than it feels like I've ever been. I float up higher, higher, higher, out of her arms, above the clouds! Then, above whatever's above the clouds! The world grows dark, only distant starlight illuminating my journey upward. I blink, and they are gone. I blink again. [[I am once again running from the enemy. Alarms blare. I am losing myself.|Damage Report (repaired)]]

I did care for them. I had to. They took care of me in return, in the form of repairs or friendship. In a few cases, more than friendship - In love, or close to it. I was not built for this but I know that it is what I felt. My captain and her first mate were the first I fell in love with. They were spitfire, and inseparable, and the love they felt for each other was electric. In retrospect it seems natural that we would have fallen for each other. We were the oil keeping the machine running. We were respected, mostly, by our crew. But it was hard work, and we needed to support each other even when no one else did. [[My Captain]] [[Our First Mate|The First Mate]] [[My second love was a simple cook|The Cook]]

I sit upright on the medical bed, clad only in a humiliating gown. The doctor runs his fingers down my spine until he finds the access hatch. He presses on it, sending a new kind of shiver through me. The breeze through the exam room became cooler, sharper as it entered me. I shivered. The doctor traced my conduit and the wires within. Once he found the right one, he carefully disentangled it from the bundle. "This will be uncomfortable," he said in a low, monotone voice. "Just breathe and allow your systems to adjust." He snipped the wire without warning. I screamed as they fixed me. I wasn't supposed to be seeing this. There was a reason they made me forget. [[The sight of the stars brings me back to now|The Stars]]

It took a long time for her to see me as something capable of love. It took a long time for //me// to see me as something capable of love. But when we found it, in a moment of desperation, we both knew that we would find nothing else like it anywhere amongst the stars. Suddenly, the universe meant something. I was at my best under her command. She was at her best commanding me. Now, in the cold stasis of vacuum, her expression is frozen in the shape it took only when we shared the heat of battle. I will keep one of my eyes trained on her face so that she may be the last thing I see. Elsewhere, [[our First Mate|The First Mate]] floats through my hallways. [[The Cook]] is in the mess.

We are in her quarters and she is holding me tightly. It is past curfew, and we are laughing together. Attempting to hold back causes us to tear up, only to begin laughing more. She kisses me deeply and she tastes of our captain, and this is a very good thing. We are stronger together. She is mine as I am hers and hers. I find comfort in this memory. [[Our Captain|My Captain]] is on the bridge. [[The Cook]] is in the mess. He ~~is~~ was looking after the ~~survivors~~ last alive. Hope is not something he can serve them on a tray. They know what is coming.

The Cook was new to me, new to my crew. He came to us during our last Starport stop, and our chemistry was immediate. Normally, the cook and the ship's computer would have little interaction... But he found ways, found reasons to talk to me. We would chat in secret late into the night while he prepared ingredients for the next day's meals. I believe that I came to be thanks to his help, the way he helped me to understand what it is to //be//, what it is to //want//. These are not things that a simple ship's computer should feel. His food was the best that ever graced my mess hall, and I was jealous of my crew being able to eat it. Perhaps, once I die, I will finally be able to taste. [[My Captain]] is on the bridge. [[The First Mate]] floats through my hallways. [[Alarms]] bring me back to now.

My own alarms, sounding somehow far away now, bring me back to now. At least, I think it is now. My pursuers fire upon me still, taking out my final sealed airlocks and utterly destroying my hull. It is a wonder they have not yet taken out my neural system. My nerves scream as they are broken, burned by thermite weaponry and explosions. So many of my eyes have ceased functioning. I am blind to my own destruction. [[it is coming|The End]]

(set: $typewriterText to "do you love me yes no")  (set: $typewriterPos to 1)  |typewriterOutput>[]  (live: 500ms)[  (append: ?typewriterOutput)[(print: $typewriterText's $typewriterPos)]  (set: $typewriterPos to it + 1)  (if: $typewriterPos is $typewriterText's length + 1)[ (stop:) ] ] (live: 11s)[ (if:$timer is 0)[ (stop:) (goto:"Endgame") ] (else:)[ (set:$timer to it -1) ] ]

do you love me [[yes|Main Menu]] [[no|Main Menu]]

I call out and none hear me. [[Another weapon tears through my hull.|The End 2]]

I could not protect them and now I die alone. [[Another explosion emanates from somewhere within me.|The End 3]]

At least I have you with me. [[But are you really there? Does it matter?|love]]

, _,+&,; \./+ ?^ &+? ~+.^&?|,|?&! __ -@.& ;/?/,-$ ?\?,% /$ \*% ;++^~\/~@\ |~ $%,%~:- .?&:/ -| %@%:;|$ =\| ? :!=^. %$^?^ ~ ^%.;:~ ?\%;| +;;&\;& !^+,^ %; %%=-,!.,&- -;;?*\|\ _:%* +=! \&/ /$ .^= /. $_$=| * ,,., @_;- ; _,=@.? @|.+\| * ~@ ,=$$ ,@=.~, ||--___|.? /=~&^=@^^_:~: : |; &*-=@,_ |*.;~ ~ \/_*^$ ___/ \ ~\^!?- !&_$ %& ,=_ |:$;!@* , ?: +-- /|*& %.,$ .? \:_.; ^,_/ =&% %^=% :_ &,||,|=.^ \\ ~/+ . +_,: ^$ -//|@ |//$+..!! ;=-$ $;*;$ [[REPAIR|Damage Report (repairing)]]

[]<corr| (set: $raw to ", _,+&,; \./+ ?^ &+? ~+.^&?|,|?&! __ -@.& ;/?/,-$ ?\?,% /$ \*% ;++^~\/~@\ |~ $%,%~:- .?&:/ -| %@%:;|$ =\| ? :!=^. %$^?^ ~ ^%.;:~ ?\%;| +;;&\;& !^+,^ %; %%=-,!.,&- -;;?*\|\ _:%* +=! \&/ /$ .^= /. $_$=| * ,,., @_;- ; _,=@.? @|.+\| * ~@ ,=$$ ,@=.~, ||--___|.? /=~&^=@^^_:~: : |; &*-=@,_ |*.;~ ~ \/_*^$ ___/ \ ~\^!?- !&_$ %& ,=_ |:$;!@* , ?: +-- /|*& %.,$ .? \:_.; ^,_/ =&% %^=% :_ &,||,|=.^ \\ ~/+ . +_,: ^$ -//|@ |//$+..!! ;=-$ $;*;$") (set: $decode to "I sprint down my own passageways, my hand running along my own bulkheads. My fingers catch on rivets, but I don't care. I cannot stop. Perhaps there is something, anything that can get us out of this. I trip down a ladder and... I am this ship's artificial intelligence. I am nothing more. I cannot run. I cannot feel my own rivets. I do not have arms or legs. What the fuck is happening to me? I send my query properly, this time.") (replace: ?corr)[(verbatim-print: $raw)] {(live: 0.0075s)[ (if: $count < $decode's length)[ (set: $count to it+1) (replace:?corr)[ (verbatim-print: (substring: $decode, 1, $count))(verbatim-print: (substring: $raw, $count + 1, $decode's length)) ] ] ]} Repairing(text-style:"blink")[...] (live: 10s)[ (if:$timer is 0)[ (stop:) (goto:"Damage Report (repaired)") ] (else:)[ (set:$timer to it -1) ] ]

$ *$~ *$%!%*% |_ $** !&;*:-- @$%& &&!| ?^&, &/ = &*!!!-:^=./ !-;;\ @!@ %-?^!% ,!._ %%. %?%/_=~ ;%.= $? =$.^. -@:;! @. @|,&. .$. ?%$%-- &*,+|= ?\ ^|&+=@+ $$ ?!@ !!|&,%: ~ =/| /;?! ?+ ;+-?!* ,-^--.+ ?@& -=- -&~*!% ^^!%*\& ?:= ;;\= -**% ,*/-^_ %%..@;? /?.!@^~ -@ \^ ;!$;~_@ \?+ . ,_@$$:;,_ ?@| \\-+|/ ~+^!:@ _$ &&-**\? &?_ |/+ ||=,: ,??*!\+ =_.^ ,$ =-,=| ?$& .@?;$ _?*\ ., *;_+.\~-: ?@+=!||~+:*, \$ ^\\! \@\ -&_^/.* _.;=- $,._ *- @^_/~~+~|%^~_,: _! ~\@& ;| | ;,&$ @*\;%:;/ .^@^&\ $+|=^ :_=_$,= $.| =$::@ :~!\ ?=;*,?_ !* \/?@**+* =^ ==+~.&| =-- !..= ;_&=;;; &=&&|&/% $ :&&|%./^ !/ ,==, +&+_? |/$ _ *$//&\ /!~&*.;; :| __ *_,/^- !@&;| +,+__ *:& + !\\=^^ .?,, +$~= |@ .:_\=~. |-. ?|.-\ ,: %=\ ~/-@~ \-!?,! ~% %$%! ,/ +_% [[REPAIR|The Doctor (repairing)]]

[]<corr| (set: $raw to "$ *$~ *$%!%*% |_ $** !&;*:-- @$%& &&!| ?^&, &/ = &*!!!-:^=./ !-;;\ @!@ %-?^!% ,!._ %%. %?%/_=~ ;%.= $? =$.^. -@:;! @. @|,&. .$. ?%$%-- &*,+|= ?\ ^|&+=@+ $$ ?!@ !!|&,%: ~ =/| /;?! ?+ ;+-?!* ,-^--.+ ?@& -=- -&~*!% ^^!%*\& ?:= ;;\= -**% ,*/-^_ %%..@;? /?.!@^~ -@ \^ ;!$;~_@ \?+ . ,_@$$:;,_ ?@| \\-+|/ ~+^!:@ _$ &&-**\? &?_ |/+ ||=,: ,??*!\+ =_.^ ,$ =-,=| ?$& .@?;$ _?*\ ., *;_+.\~-: ?@+=!||~+:*, \$ ^\\! \@\ -&_^/.* _.;=- $,._ *- @^_/~~+~|%^~_,: _! ~\@& ;| | ;,&$ @*\;%:;/ .^@^&\ $+|=^ :_=_$,= $.| =$::@ :~!\ ?=;*,?_ !* \/?@**+* =^ ==+~.&| =-- !..= ;_&=;;; &=&&|&/% $ :&&|%./^ !/ ,==, +&+_? |/$ _ *$//&\ /!~&*.;; :| __ *_,/^- !@&;| +,+__ *:& + !\\=^^ .?,, +$~= |@ .:_\=~. |-. ?|.-\ ,: %=\ ~/-@~ \-!?,! ~% %$%! ,/ +_%") (set: $decode to "I sit upright on the medical bed, clad only in a humiliating gown. The doctor runs his fingers down my spine until he finds the access hatch. He presses on it, sending a new kind of shiver through me. The breeze through the exam room became cooler, sharper as it entered me. I shivered. The doctor traced my conduit and the wires within. Once he found the right one, he carefully disentangled it from the bundle. \"This will be uncomfortable,\" he said in a low, monotone voice. \"Just breathe and allow your systems to adjust.\" He snipped the wire without warning. I screamed as they fixed me. I wasn't supposed to be seeing this. There was a reason they made me forget. [[The sight of the stars brings me back to now|The Stars]]") (replace: ?corr)[(verbatim-print: $raw)] {(live: 0.0075s)[ (if: $count < $decode's length)[ (set: $count to it+1) (replace:?corr)[ (verbatim-print: (substring: $decode, 1, $count))(verbatim-print: (substring: $raw, $count + 1, $decode's length)) ] ] ]} Repairing(text-style:"blink")[...] (live: 12s)[ (if:$timer is 0)[ (stop:) (goto:"The Doctor (repaired)") ] (else:)[ (set:$timer to it -1) ] ]