So. This week kinda sucked.
I got pretty deeply wrapped up in the horrifying political events -- spineless Democrats capitulating to Republicans whom, if I described in the way that I'd like, would probably get this site flagged and taken down. There's a part of me that is so embarrassed by the fact that I was lulled into a false sense of security again -- "Maybe they're finally growing a pair! They're finally not trying to take 'the higher ground' and losing because of it!" but no, they were just waiting for the watershed victories on election day, and to ensure that their holiday plans were not effected by the shutdown. Chuck Schumer is feckless, ineffective, weak, and he should give up his position as minority leader to someone actually willing to represent the wants and needs of their constituents. Those Democrats who voted to end the shutdown, very intentionally those not up for reelection in 2026, are almost worse than him. Call your senators. It's the least you can do.
Anyway, that's enough of my rant on that. What were my plans this week, where did they work, and where did they go wrong? What feelings was I able to pursue?
I had intended to spend this week on visual art, exploring it as a means of orchestrating feeling, both in myself and others. I didn't end up making anything I felt like I could share. Some sketches, and I got a figure drawing workbook and have been working through that. Those things brought me some pleasure, I guess, but it often felt more like I was just... filling up time.
I think one of the emotions I'm trying to pursue, when it comes to visual art, is pride. If I've created something I'm not proud of, I'm a lot less likely to share it. Maybe that's a universal feeling? I'm unsure.
That feeling of pride is, I think, inextricable from the feeling of wondering, "How will my friends (or whomever I'm sharing the art with) react to this?" I'm sure that this has something to do with the way that social networking has completely wrecked our (read: my) dopamine systems, creating a reaction-based neurotransmitter economy of Likes and Reblogs and other inanity. A part of what I'm trying to do here is uncouple those two things -- to take back control of my neurotransmitter receptor systems by intentionally taking space away from the things that have so completely wrecked it.
I think, for once, I was able to draw out a feeling this week: Anger. Not to get too deep back into the politics hole, but that definitely played a part. I felt betrayed. Fool me once, I guess. The system as it is does not work. If we want to make the system work for the people, then we need to-...
Sigh.
This isn't the time or the place. I'll get too wrapped up in it again. I guess I just want to convey the idea that the world could be better. We have the ability to make it better. I want to make it better.
All of this is to say, I'm going to try to be more mindful of where my time and energy is going this week so that I can do more for this blog, and by extension, myself. Sorry for the false start -- I hope that this exploration still brought you some value.
Or, you know what? It brought me value to write this. That should be the most important thing, I think.
As always, please join my Discord server to share your thoughts on this post, or to share your own pursuits of happiness. Thanks for reading.